A related problem occurs in therapy with those with a Borderline Personality. Sooner or later in the therapy, you are going to 'screw up' in their eyes and this is going to produce strong negative feelings - disappointment, anger, and so on. The thing to do in this situation is to listen carefully and reflect without getting defensive in any way even if you think that whatever you did was reasonable. Later on, when the crisis in the relationship Memory Repair Protocol has passed, then the incident can be worked through so that it can be understood in a more reasonable light. So, as an example, you may forget an appointment. It happens sometimes. Your client may feel abandoned and enraged as a result. If you listen to their feelings and apologise, then it will usually turn out OK.
On the other hand, if you become defensive and say that you're only human and that you think their reaction is totally out of proportion and so on, then they will remain stuck in the conviction that you have done some terrible wrong and, if there have been other aspects of their experience of you which they didn't like, an official complaint may be the next step or they may even sue you. The deep seated motivation behind this would be the desire to see you hurt as much as they are hurting - as they see it - as a result of your actions. I would guess that the majority of official complaints against therapists come from those with Borderline Personality Disorders. To prevent this, in the vast majority of situations, all you have to do is hear the person out and apologise.
I think that the core aspect of the treatment of people with this difficulty is to have them have an experience of unconditional love and acceptance and you need to aim for this for at least the first year or two of the therapy so that they can have a corrective emotional experience. As they come to feel accepted and cared for, so they themselves will begin to question their reactions and this will open up the possibilities for honest discussion of the objective situation and that is the time to begin to see their reactions more realistically. They can do it then because the relationship between you and them bolsters the strength of their egos. The experience of being accepted and loved has to come first. Over time in the therapy, the continuing sense of being held, listened to, cared for and so on, allows for a gradual integration of the various aspects of the personality. This just happens as a natural part of the process.
http://www.nomorefakereviews.com/memory-repair-protocol-review/
In other words, given that you have set adequate boundaries (which are vital) and have an attitude of care and spend a lot of energy on careful listening and reflecting then the process of healing in the personality will unfold and, in this sense, you will be taught by your client as to how to do the work. Remember that in all of this, the unconditional positive regard is not the same thing as colluding with the regressed part of the personality. So, for example, the reflections would mostly be in the form 'You are feeling devastated that he's gone' not 'He's made you feel devastated' or 'He feels like a waster to you now and so you feel bitterly disappointed' and not 'You've realised that he's a waster and so you feel bitterly disappointed'. So, the emphasis stays on the client's feelings and you do not collude with any blame or splitting. In other words, you can reflect back the person's emotional experience accurately without colluding with any distortion of reality.
On the other hand, if you become defensive and say that you're only human and that you think their reaction is totally out of proportion and so on, then they will remain stuck in the conviction that you have done some terrible wrong and, if there have been other aspects of their experience of you which they didn't like, an official complaint may be the next step or they may even sue you. The deep seated motivation behind this would be the desire to see you hurt as much as they are hurting - as they see it - as a result of your actions. I would guess that the majority of official complaints against therapists come from those with Borderline Personality Disorders. To prevent this, in the vast majority of situations, all you have to do is hear the person out and apologise.
I think that the core aspect of the treatment of people with this difficulty is to have them have an experience of unconditional love and acceptance and you need to aim for this for at least the first year or two of the therapy so that they can have a corrective emotional experience. As they come to feel accepted and cared for, so they themselves will begin to question their reactions and this will open up the possibilities for honest discussion of the objective situation and that is the time to begin to see their reactions more realistically. They can do it then because the relationship between you and them bolsters the strength of their egos. The experience of being accepted and loved has to come first. Over time in the therapy, the continuing sense of being held, listened to, cared for and so on, allows for a gradual integration of the various aspects of the personality. This just happens as a natural part of the process.
http://www.nomorefakereviews.com/memory-repair-protocol-review/
In other words, given that you have set adequate boundaries (which are vital) and have an attitude of care and spend a lot of energy on careful listening and reflecting then the process of healing in the personality will unfold and, in this sense, you will be taught by your client as to how to do the work. Remember that in all of this, the unconditional positive regard is not the same thing as colluding with the regressed part of the personality. So, for example, the reflections would mostly be in the form 'You are feeling devastated that he's gone' not 'He's made you feel devastated' or 'He feels like a waster to you now and so you feel bitterly disappointed' and not 'You've realised that he's a waster and so you feel bitterly disappointed'. So, the emphasis stays on the client's feelings and you do not collude with any blame or splitting. In other words, you can reflect back the person's emotional experience accurately without colluding with any distortion of reality.
No comments:
Post a Comment